Getting myself together for a photo shoot for new head shots...getting my resume together. And working on finding me an agent....the life of a dreamer working towards something.
I'm just kinda over this whole trying to sell myself thing. I wish for once my talent was enough. Not my looks, my ethnicity, or shape of my body. I really picked the wrong career path if I want to be judged by more.
Recently, I have had the same conversation almost every day. Why are there no black women in Hollywood? Tarji is the only one working now. Where are my brown skin, dark chocolate sisters at? I am not trying to get all Laryn Hill on you. But I have been fired (not fired but bump down to background) from 2 stand-in jobs because I was too dark. I don't want to be a stand-in for the rest of my life. I am waiting for that day when I am first team not second and I know that day is coming.
So will I then be the only brown skin girl working? A lot of times these events make me question who I am.
I am very proud of who I am. The Egyptian side of me gave me the lovely eyes I have. The Black side gave me the wonderful family I have...and the Dominican side gave me the high tolerance (wooohooo shots) lol.
In this industry is exotic sells. So I am marketed as multi-racial. I am black. I am proud. I am proud of everything that I am. But I just wanna be a black girl.
Then again...I have about a pound and a half of 18in of weave sown into my skull.(hair weave done like Europeans). I don't wear contacts...I try to keep the make-up minimal. Just try to enhance my eyes *wink* I refuse to be in the sun. I don't tan and if I do I exfoliate and use skin brighter lotion. I refuse to be darker! So, I have a complex about complexion.
We are taught light is right. Sad thing is all those segregation issues of the past are still present today. The brown paper bag test is still in effect. ( For those who don't know the brown paper bag test was an old Hollywood legend...if you were lighter than the bag you got work as an actress)
And the roles out there for black women are few and far between. And who really wants to play a crack head, a hoe, have a mommy on drugs, a daddy in jail, play the sassy black best friend without a man but knows everything about them. Or work for Tyler Perry. I have yet to work with Mr. Perry and pray the good Lord blesses me with work to continue to keep me away from that man. (But if I need the money I will be an extra in Madea's Big Family Reunion)
Speaking of extra work. I work a lot and I pray I continue to work. I place my life and my dreams in Gods hands and each day he blesses me by placing me a step closer to my dreams. That being said...I am over working for black productions. I have worked as a featured extra on 2 different black sitcoms this year and each one has had pay roll issues. I just want to get paid for my work why do I have to fight you for my money. I work on anything else I get my pay check in 2 to 3 weeks.
Is this why there are not a lot of black people on tv? We don't know how to take care of our own. This breaks my heart. We are so much better than this.
So, maybe it's not "them" holding us back...perhaps it's "us".
We have so many opportunities that so many before us didn't have. My great grandmother Euna Mae Colquitt will be 100 years old on Sept 10 she knew of slavery, of segregation, of fighting for civil rights. She watched her children pick cotton as share croppers to pay for college. Saw her youngest rise to be the vice president of Wachovia. Her history is our history. Her story is our story. We are not just the pimps, hoes, drug dealers, players, athletes, and sassy chicks they show us on tv. Lets show the world we can be more.
We don't need their permission. Let's do it for us, for future generations.
And please lets pay our extras!!
Sunday, August 15, 2010
Waiting...Not Looking For Love
I would like to start this blog by saying I LOVE MEN! I absolutely, positively, with ever inch of my being adore men. But I also find them all to be douche bags! Gay men, straight men, bi curious (greedy) men are all douchebags. Which doesn't make me not love them...if fact it makes me love some of them more.
I have the coolest job ever. I work in tv and movies. So all day I get to stare at beautiful people. I work on The Vampire Diaries...and OMG that has to be the most beautiful set ever. The crew is even beautiful and all are douche bags. (lol) J/K. I love working on that show it has to be my fav place ever. But when you leave the wonderful beautiful world of Mystic Falls and enter the real world..it kinda sucks.
I happened to be blessed with some very beautiful and talented friends, so my world is not at all ugly. But as previous blogs stated the entire world is gay! But recently I met, well, got reacquainted with a straight man! Made me miss them. He was a very beautiful not at all in my league straight man. And he danced with me. He hugged me. And gave me a kiss goodnight! Okay, so it was just a kiss on the cheek and it was a large group of us together but just that little bit of attention from a GEORGEOUS HETRO male was enough to put me on cloud 9. I'll be high from this for a while. It's the first straight guy attention I got in a while. (that wasn't disrespectful) So I will enjoy it!
Speaking of attention. Why does the guy you never ever ever ever like want to make you their wife? This hasn't happen to me in years but it seems to be the case a lot. The one guy who you would never date in a million years is the nicest guy in the world and would run your bath water while making you the best dinner of your life. In movies this guy you end up with in the end. But real life is NOT the movies. Not at all. Theres no cut and re-shoots. No second team to block all the steps out for you so you can just step in and make it look good. Life is one continuous shot. (steadicam) This guy may want you to play the leading lady in his epic...but he just maybe a bit player in your drama. (enough movie puns).
How do you let the guy down? Do you let him down if he's a friend or test fate to see if he could be the one? This is one of lifes most complicated situations. When friends fall in love with you what do you do?
I always find it weird when friends fall in love with me. I think its my self esteem issues sneaking up on me. I have only had it happen twice in my life so I am no expert on it. The 2 guys who did fall in love with me were like my best friends. The thing that freaked me out about them loving me was that they knew me. Knew the real me and they loved me. I couldn't accept that. I think I have just to the point in life where I can accept that someone could love me. I think because I just began to actually love me. (wow got deep there)
So to move on from that deep self reflecting moment. I am waiting for love but not at all looking for it. Meaning I am not searching for it. I have a great group of friends. A fun job where I look at beautiful people all day. Once in a while a straight man hits on me or shows me attention. And I know that one day I will have love.
Also I wouldn't mind falling in love in Mystic Falls if cupid is out there reading this.
I have the coolest job ever. I work in tv and movies. So all day I get to stare at beautiful people. I work on The Vampire Diaries...and OMG that has to be the most beautiful set ever. The crew is even beautiful and all are douche bags. (lol) J/K. I love working on that show it has to be my fav place ever. But when you leave the wonderful beautiful world of Mystic Falls and enter the real world..it kinda sucks.
I happened to be blessed with some very beautiful and talented friends, so my world is not at all ugly. But as previous blogs stated the entire world is gay! But recently I met, well, got reacquainted with a straight man! Made me miss them. He was a very beautiful not at all in my league straight man. And he danced with me. He hugged me. And gave me a kiss goodnight! Okay, so it was just a kiss on the cheek and it was a large group of us together but just that little bit of attention from a GEORGEOUS HETRO male was enough to put me on cloud 9. I'll be high from this for a while. It's the first straight guy attention I got in a while. (that wasn't disrespectful) So I will enjoy it!
Speaking of attention. Why does the guy you never ever ever ever like want to make you their wife? This hasn't happen to me in years but it seems to be the case a lot. The one guy who you would never date in a million years is the nicest guy in the world and would run your bath water while making you the best dinner of your life. In movies this guy you end up with in the end. But real life is NOT the movies. Not at all. Theres no cut and re-shoots. No second team to block all the steps out for you so you can just step in and make it look good. Life is one continuous shot. (steadicam) This guy may want you to play the leading lady in his epic...but he just maybe a bit player in your drama. (enough movie puns).
How do you let the guy down? Do you let him down if he's a friend or test fate to see if he could be the one? This is one of lifes most complicated situations. When friends fall in love with you what do you do?
I always find it weird when friends fall in love with me. I think its my self esteem issues sneaking up on me. I have only had it happen twice in my life so I am no expert on it. The 2 guys who did fall in love with me were like my best friends. The thing that freaked me out about them loving me was that they knew me. Knew the real me and they loved me. I couldn't accept that. I think I have just to the point in life where I can accept that someone could love me. I think because I just began to actually love me. (wow got deep there)
So to move on from that deep self reflecting moment. I am waiting for love but not at all looking for it. Meaning I am not searching for it. I have a great group of friends. A fun job where I look at beautiful people all day. Once in a while a straight man hits on me or shows me attention. And I know that one day I will have love.
Also I wouldn't mind falling in love in Mystic Falls if cupid is out there reading this.
Saturday, August 7, 2010
The Entire World is GAY!!!
Hello to all 5 of my readers and my facebook creepers! Been working a lot lately so I haven't written in a min here.
So here we go...
First CONGRATS to all my gaybes (gay babies) and lesbots (don't ask) for Prop 8 being over turned. Now you can get married in Cali! Invite me to the weddings!
Next: I saw The Kids Are Alright this week. The story of 2 children raised by their lesbian parents. The children seek out the sperm donor and they all build a very unrealistic relationship with him. I say unrealistic because I am the child of a lesbian and the whole betrayal would not happen. Hollywood..ugh
And last: The entire world is gay! Well, maybe not the entire world but my world certainly is. I do work in the entertainment industry so it is understandable that 78% of the men I work with are gay. But as of lately 97% of the men love men. I am by no means complaining...per say. I heart all my gaybes. I just want to meet a damn straight man.
Many of my female friends actually date men who look and or act gay. One friend actually prefers bi sexual men. I could never ever ever ever date a man who likes men. I think it's the whole down low brother thing in the black community and the fact the the highest number in new HIV/AIDS cases are among african american women...mainly because their men are off having unprotected sex with other men. I like my men to be men and my gays to be gay. No mixing. (Plus I think bisexuality is just being greedy, unless your Anna Paquin or Scarlett Johansson then its hott)
So here's the thing...I spend my days and sometimes nights on set with my gaybes...then when we wrap I spend more time with them or other gays and I have a blast. I can be my silly self with them. And as much as I say I want to hang around straight men....I never do. I am a huge contradiction. I am kinda over straight men. They are such cocky douchebags. But then again I miss them. I miss actually flirting with someone who wants to do me...flirting with gays is fun but at the end of the night I am home alone with no one to make out with.
So maybe I am becoming like my other female friends, maybe I need to find me a metro sexual man who is just as fun as my gaybes but wants to bang me.
That would never work for me though. I am such a ball buster I would end up making the guy cry. (plus I am not a big fan of men in scarves and we all know metros love the scarf) I make my sensitive female friends say I'm mean. (which I am not I just try to make people stronger the world is a tough place) The man I need doesn't exist. I need a fun, gay spirited, mans man, who loves art, history, theater, and sports and can cook. Who doesn't care what I do for a living...meaning he is not at all star struck by the people I work with or that I hang out with. But he does support everything I do and pushes me to do more. And above all has a deep profound love for God and all his wonders but is not judgemental. I don't think that's too much to ask for.
Is it?
I'll just have fun and enjoy life until God sees fit to bring me the man of my dreams (Nick Jonas or Trevino) until then my entire world is GAY!!
So here we go...
First CONGRATS to all my gaybes (gay babies) and lesbots (don't ask) for Prop 8 being over turned. Now you can get married in Cali! Invite me to the weddings!
Next: I saw The Kids Are Alright this week. The story of 2 children raised by their lesbian parents. The children seek out the sperm donor and they all build a very unrealistic relationship with him. I say unrealistic because I am the child of a lesbian and the whole betrayal would not happen. Hollywood..ugh
And last: The entire world is gay! Well, maybe not the entire world but my world certainly is. I do work in the entertainment industry so it is understandable that 78% of the men I work with are gay. But as of lately 97% of the men love men. I am by no means complaining...per say. I heart all my gaybes. I just want to meet a damn straight man.
Many of my female friends actually date men who look and or act gay. One friend actually prefers bi sexual men. I could never ever ever ever date a man who likes men. I think it's the whole down low brother thing in the black community and the fact the the highest number in new HIV/AIDS cases are among african american women...mainly because their men are off having unprotected sex with other men. I like my men to be men and my gays to be gay. No mixing. (Plus I think bisexuality is just being greedy, unless your Anna Paquin or Scarlett Johansson then its hott)
So here's the thing...I spend my days and sometimes nights on set with my gaybes...then when we wrap I spend more time with them or other gays and I have a blast. I can be my silly self with them. And as much as I say I want to hang around straight men....I never do. I am a huge contradiction. I am kinda over straight men. They are such cocky douchebags. But then again I miss them. I miss actually flirting with someone who wants to do me...flirting with gays is fun but at the end of the night I am home alone with no one to make out with.
So maybe I am becoming like my other female friends, maybe I need to find me a metro sexual man who is just as fun as my gaybes but wants to bang me.
That would never work for me though. I am such a ball buster I would end up making the guy cry. (plus I am not a big fan of men in scarves and we all know metros love the scarf) I make my sensitive female friends say I'm mean. (which I am not I just try to make people stronger the world is a tough place) The man I need doesn't exist. I need a fun, gay spirited, mans man, who loves art, history, theater, and sports and can cook. Who doesn't care what I do for a living...meaning he is not at all star struck by the people I work with or that I hang out with. But he does support everything I do and pushes me to do more. And above all has a deep profound love for God and all his wonders but is not judgemental. I don't think that's too much to ask for.
Is it?
I'll just have fun and enjoy life until God sees fit to bring me the man of my dreams (Nick Jonas or Trevino) until then my entire world is GAY!!
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Sexless in the suburbs
While watching Sex and The City reruns, I realized something. I don't want to be these women. I don't want to be the chicks on Girlfriends either. I don't want to be any of these tv women. I am fine being me.
Most, if not all, women watch. love, adore and worship Sex and the City. It's a great show and 2 really good movies. I love them all. I used to wonder why my friendships weren't like these women's. Where were my 3 bffs that I had brunch with every week. I am blessed to have the 1 best friend I have.
One of my fav lines from SATC is when Charlotte said "I have been dating since I was 15 I am tired where is he, my hair hurts" MY HAIR HURTS TOO!!! But I think its the braids under the pounds of tracks I have on my head. I have been dating since birth like most women my age now but honestly I can say I have had only a few real relationships and none of them very long. I have had many on and off relationships that last years because I make the silly mistake of taking dude back. So now I don't date. I am not looking. And I am actually not lonely...most of the time. I am an only child so I am used to being alone. I enjoy dinner and movies by myself, I go out alone. At times I dated just to get a meal or go see a movie I wanted to see. Not because I liked the guy.(that was years ago lol) Now I am fine being with me.
So right now I am sexless in the suburbs.
I couldn't get a date if I tried. Not that I really have. Well, I kinda have. I am only around movie industry guys now and I usually don't fish in my own pond but that's all I am around now. So I tried dating a PA, he kept asking when I was coming to his crib just to "hang". I don't "hang" that early sir.Then my other issue is every guy I find attractive on set has a girl. Ugh I just can't win.
Sometimes a girl just want a man to touch her, tell her she's pretty, hold her hand, MAKE OUT! That's what I miss from dating. I miss making out. Just the kissing. I am so over the grabbing and the groping....I get enough of that from my fellow "background artist". I just want to kiss someone.
I also miss talking on the phone...you remember those late night conversations about nothing at all. I miss that.
I think I miss the whole puppy love faze.
Anyone have a time machine...7th grade hear I come.
Most, if not all, women watch. love, adore and worship Sex and the City. It's a great show and 2 really good movies. I love them all. I used to wonder why my friendships weren't like these women's. Where were my 3 bffs that I had brunch with every week. I am blessed to have the 1 best friend I have.
One of my fav lines from SATC is when Charlotte said "I have been dating since I was 15 I am tired where is he, my hair hurts" MY HAIR HURTS TOO!!! But I think its the braids under the pounds of tracks I have on my head. I have been dating since birth like most women my age now but honestly I can say I have had only a few real relationships and none of them very long. I have had many on and off relationships that last years because I make the silly mistake of taking dude back. So now I don't date. I am not looking. And I am actually not lonely...most of the time. I am an only child so I am used to being alone. I enjoy dinner and movies by myself, I go out alone. At times I dated just to get a meal or go see a movie I wanted to see. Not because I liked the guy.(that was years ago lol) Now I am fine being with me.
So right now I am sexless in the suburbs.
I couldn't get a date if I tried. Not that I really have. Well, I kinda have. I am only around movie industry guys now and I usually don't fish in my own pond but that's all I am around now. So I tried dating a PA, he kept asking when I was coming to his crib just to "hang". I don't "hang" that early sir.Then my other issue is every guy I find attractive on set has a girl. Ugh I just can't win.
Sometimes a girl just want a man to touch her, tell her she's pretty, hold her hand, MAKE OUT! That's what I miss from dating. I miss making out. Just the kissing. I am so over the grabbing and the groping....I get enough of that from my fellow "background artist". I just want to kiss someone.
I also miss talking on the phone...you remember those late night conversations about nothing at all. I miss that.
I think I miss the whole puppy love faze.
Anyone have a time machine...7th grade hear I come.
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
Why I should play Helena Andrews in Bitch is the New Black
Bitch is the new black for all of you who didn't know...is a book being adapted into a movie. I MUST play the lead role. Not want to play or have a strong desire to play...this role was written for me. Helena Andrews life is mine...if i would have taken a million different roads. Okay, so it's not my life but I see a lot of similarities.
So here is a list of reasons why I should play Helena
For the obvious....1. We both are women, 2. We both are black 3. We are about the same age ( I am an actress I will never put my real age on the Internet I may have to lie in years)
Other not so obvious reasons 4. We both have grand-baby wishing and praying lesbian mothers. (as much as I love my mom I am so over the whole when you gonna get married and have babies question)
Random tidbit...A young lady about the age of 19/20 I met while my probation officer wasn't doing her job actually said to me when I said I don't have any children...."you must not be able to have kids" I said no "I know how to use condoms" I noticed almost every woman I spent my 7 day vaca from the real world with had at least one child. And these chicks were not on a 7 day vaca some were on a 7 year sentence or more...and their kids were left in the world on their own or stuck with some family member. I don't want to bring a child into this world when I am not sure I can be there every minute of every day for them. I am too selfish for a child at this moment in life.
Okay back to the list..what number are we at...okay 5. Helena is a writer who can't spell...ME too! Okay so I am not published. But I have been writing my entire life. I write everything from songs, to poetry, short stories and I have about 20 composition note books full of half finished novels. And I am sure all of them have millions of spelling and grammatical errors. Writing is the one thing everyone has told me to do. From teachers, family, strangers, anyone who reads any of my real work (not blogging lol) says I should write...me I want to ACT! Writing can come later. I can do that at 90.
6.Helena grew up in Compton....or so she says whenever her ghetto or hood membership is called into question. I grew up in North Philly...whenever I need to prove how hard core I am....She moved around quite a bit when she young...including living on a island where it seems the only black people were her and her non conformist mother. She also is a product of private schools and an ivy league education. (which in my opinion should be the new definition of Black not just hood, ghetto, prison and babies...education, families, business owners, authors, Presidents and of course talented actors who don't play slaves, hookers, pimps, strippers, or ghetto baby mommas). Oh now for the comparison...I also went to private school and I am sure if I would have applied to an ivy league school I could have gone but we all know me...I chose to go on tour with Nsync instead of going directly to college.
7. Helena was a professional cheerleader...I auditioned and made the Hawks dance team...work for the Hawks for years. But no I was not a professional cheerleader. Yes, I made the team...I chose not to be a part of it. I chose instead to go on tour...I did that a lot in life. But I did work with the team and did actually do some choreography back in the day before they were the "A-Town" Dancers.
8.Did I already say we both were women...what about we both are black...OK! I got I am an actress. It's my job to play parts. I have taken many classes and continue to hone my craft. I have played many different parts. But recently because of my damn good genes and cocoa and shea butter...I always play teens or college age. Which I am not at all complaining about. This would be a chance to play (close to) my own age.
9. The movie is being produced by Shonda Rhimes. A black woman! She is success in the industry already with Greys Anatomy and Private Practice. She is an inspiration for me and should be for any woman (black, white, green, yellow, and purple) trying to make it in this very male dominated industry. I would be honored to just work with her and would try to learn EVERYTHING I could from her. Just to have a conversation with her I know I would learn so much and be one step close to my dream of starting a successful production company.
10.( I think I need 10...a list needs to even and rounded) So this one will be a weird one. As a child Helena had strange relationship with numbers. They played out a soap opera in her imagination. This is something I never really shared because I thought it made me a dork. The reason I was so good at math in school is because of my relationship with numbers. They had characters, roles they played in each others life. All this went on in my imagination. When I read that she had a similar imagination I didn't feel so much like a dork. (which I know I am)
I NEED TO PLAY HELENA ANDREWS (or the character they come up with when the finish the screen play names may change) IN BITCH IS THE NEW BLACK.
And YOU, my readers, need to read Bitch is the new black and come up with a list of your own why I should play Helena Andrews...(or just read the book)
ATLANTA READERS...Helena Andrews will be at Charis Books on WED July 14th at 7:30pm. Meet me there and get your book signed...and tell her I should be in the movie!
So here is a list of reasons why I should play Helena
For the obvious....1. We both are women, 2. We both are black 3. We are about the same age ( I am an actress I will never put my real age on the Internet I may have to lie in years)
Other not so obvious reasons 4. We both have grand-baby wishing and praying lesbian mothers. (as much as I love my mom I am so over the whole when you gonna get married and have babies question)
Random tidbit...A young lady about the age of 19/20 I met while my probation officer wasn't doing her job actually said to me when I said I don't have any children...."you must not be able to have kids" I said no "I know how to use condoms" I noticed almost every woman I spent my 7 day vaca from the real world with had at least one child. And these chicks were not on a 7 day vaca some were on a 7 year sentence or more...and their kids were left in the world on their own or stuck with some family member. I don't want to bring a child into this world when I am not sure I can be there every minute of every day for them. I am too selfish for a child at this moment in life.
Okay back to the list..what number are we at...okay 5. Helena is a writer who can't spell...ME too! Okay so I am not published. But I have been writing my entire life. I write everything from songs, to poetry, short stories and I have about 20 composition note books full of half finished novels. And I am sure all of them have millions of spelling and grammatical errors. Writing is the one thing everyone has told me to do. From teachers, family, strangers, anyone who reads any of my real work (not blogging lol) says I should write...me I want to ACT! Writing can come later. I can do that at 90.
6.Helena grew up in Compton....or so she says whenever her ghetto or hood membership is called into question. I grew up in North Philly...whenever I need to prove how hard core I am....She moved around quite a bit when she young...including living on a island where it seems the only black people were her and her non conformist mother. She also is a product of private schools and an ivy league education. (which in my opinion should be the new definition of Black not just hood, ghetto, prison and babies...education, families, business owners, authors, Presidents and of course talented actors who don't play slaves, hookers, pimps, strippers, or ghetto baby mommas). Oh now for the comparison...I also went to private school and I am sure if I would have applied to an ivy league school I could have gone but we all know me...I chose to go on tour with Nsync instead of going directly to college.
7. Helena was a professional cheerleader...I auditioned and made the Hawks dance team...work for the Hawks for years. But no I was not a professional cheerleader. Yes, I made the team...I chose not to be a part of it. I chose instead to go on tour...I did that a lot in life. But I did work with the team and did actually do some choreography back in the day before they were the "A-Town" Dancers.
8.Did I already say we both were women...what about we both are black...OK! I got I am an actress. It's my job to play parts. I have taken many classes and continue to hone my craft. I have played many different parts. But recently because of my damn good genes and cocoa and shea butter...I always play teens or college age. Which I am not at all complaining about. This would be a chance to play (close to) my own age.
9. The movie is being produced by Shonda Rhimes. A black woman! She is success in the industry already with Greys Anatomy and Private Practice. She is an inspiration for me and should be for any woman (black, white, green, yellow, and purple) trying to make it in this very male dominated industry. I would be honored to just work with her and would try to learn EVERYTHING I could from her. Just to have a conversation with her I know I would learn so much and be one step close to my dream of starting a successful production company.
10.( I think I need 10...a list needs to even and rounded) So this one will be a weird one. As a child Helena had strange relationship with numbers. They played out a soap opera in her imagination. This is something I never really shared because I thought it made me a dork. The reason I was so good at math in school is because of my relationship with numbers. They had characters, roles they played in each others life. All this went on in my imagination. When I read that she had a similar imagination I didn't feel so much like a dork. (which I know I am)
I NEED TO PLAY HELENA ANDREWS (or the character they come up with when the finish the screen play names may change) IN BITCH IS THE NEW BLACK.
And YOU, my readers, need to read Bitch is the new black and come up with a list of your own why I should play Helena Andrews...(or just read the book)
ATLANTA READERS...Helena Andrews will be at Charis Books on WED July 14th at 7:30pm. Meet me there and get your book signed...and tell her I should be in the movie!
Friday, July 9, 2010
NO LONGER POOR!!
No, I didn't win the lottery or land that dream role that pays me millions and shoots me into the world of super stardom. I just dont want anything negative in my life. So, even if my financial situation may not have me driving a benz, beemer or a bently, I am happy. And that is all that matters!! So I changed the tittle of my blog. Took out the poor...added the young. Which I am!!! Or at least I play young on tv.
I find that I am a lot more positive lately. Even in hard times (like the last blog). Recently, I have mad changes in my life. I let some very harmful friendships go. Which was hard to do because I was attached to these people for years. I changed a lot of my habits. I stopped going to clubs. I completely cut out any activity that involves groupies in Atlanta....which means I don't leave my house. It is Atlanta, going to Kroger can become a groupie activity.
All this being said...I am happier. I feel better about myself because I am no longer in a world where I have to compete for attention. Well, that's not true I am an actress. To re-phrase I no longer compete for negative attention. I am still in a world where looks are a high priority but talent, brains and personality are the things that keep you around in this world. In my former materialistic life if you were light skin with pretty hair...you could (and most likely was) be the biggest bitch in the world and still get all the attention. True you got talked about behind your back...by EVERYONE (yes even your friends talk about you)
Disclaimer: THIS IS NOT ABOUT ANYONE IN PARTICULAR JUST A MESH OF MY EXPERINCES
So I deleted poor from my life and my blog. I will no longer reflect on anything negative in my life. I am blessed just to have life. And to have a life where I get to do what I love almost every day. (yes I love being an extra, a stand-in even a production assistant...it may not be my ultimate goal but I am on my way there)
So my advice to all of my readers is eliminate the negative and focus on the positive things you have in life...make a list and reflect on it. I'll start it for you...
1. LIFE (that has to be the most positive thing you have going...you woke up today)
2. You get to read my random rantings (just thought I would throw that in there)
Be blessed readers and Merry Christmas (yes I know it's July...I said I was random pay attention!!)
I find that I am a lot more positive lately. Even in hard times (like the last blog). Recently, I have mad changes in my life. I let some very harmful friendships go. Which was hard to do because I was attached to these people for years. I changed a lot of my habits. I stopped going to clubs. I completely cut out any activity that involves groupies in Atlanta....which means I don't leave my house. It is Atlanta, going to Kroger can become a groupie activity.
All this being said...I am happier. I feel better about myself because I am no longer in a world where I have to compete for attention. Well, that's not true I am an actress. To re-phrase I no longer compete for negative attention. I am still in a world where looks are a high priority but talent, brains and personality are the things that keep you around in this world. In my former materialistic life if you were light skin with pretty hair...you could (and most likely was) be the biggest bitch in the world and still get all the attention. True you got talked about behind your back...by EVERYONE (yes even your friends talk about you)
Disclaimer: THIS IS NOT ABOUT ANYONE IN PARTICULAR JUST A MESH OF MY EXPERINCES
So I deleted poor from my life and my blog. I will no longer reflect on anything negative in my life. I am blessed just to have life. And to have a life where I get to do what I love almost every day. (yes I love being an extra, a stand-in even a production assistant...it may not be my ultimate goal but I am on my way there)
So my advice to all of my readers is eliminate the negative and focus on the positive things you have in life...make a list and reflect on it. I'll start it for you...
1. LIFE (that has to be the most positive thing you have going...you woke up today)
2. You get to read my random rantings (just thought I would throw that in there)
Be blessed readers and Merry Christmas (yes I know it's July...I said I was random pay attention!!)
Thursday, July 8, 2010
From Big Mommas House to The Big House
So I am on probation. I have been on probation since Dec 1, 2009 from an incident that happened in 2006. On a very nice night in 2006 I went out with some females (non in which I talk to now) and drank 1 too many peach long islands. During the evening of flirting and dancing with a variety of NBA players...one approached me and had the best pick up line I ever heard. (Are you ready for this?) His words exactly "I wanna fuck the shit out of you" Now I know you are thinking why didn't I just jump on that right then and there which smooth game like that thrown at me. But I needed a little more liquid courage, so I enjoyed more of the peach long islands that seemed to just be flowing from the bar. As the lights of the club came on scattering the patrons like roaches, I still hadn't made my decision on if I was going to climb my new damn near 7 foot friend.( even though I did have the hotel name and room number in my recent text messages).
My girls all had plans of their own for some after club adventures (they were adventures...running over a mail box, arguing with NFL players and groupies in the Intercontinental fun night for all), so they were no help on making the choice whether to bang a random stranger or take my drunk butt home in the ride to my car.
When I finally got to the car, I still had no clue what I was going to do and I was coming down from my long island high. As I turned out of the parking lot where I left my hooptie, I turned to head south towards mid-town and when I live north. After a 5 min drive I decided to turn north and take my non-slutty self home. Which is where the real drama of the night began.
I got off my exit in which I live exactly 1.7 miles from and blew a tire. Being still some what intoxicated and very sleepy I put on my hazards and decided to drive home. BAD DESICION!! I was pulled over promptly and arrested for a DUI (with out a breathalyzer or field sobriety test). I should have just went and banged dude...he did win a championship ring in the last few years maybe I could have went to the playoffs...lol.
If you were paying attention you see the dates are a few years off. I was arrested in 2006 and charged in 2009. That's GA for you. If you read my first blog you see I have name issues. GA spells my name wrong several times. ( which has gotten me arrested because I have alias' which are all MY NAME just spelled wrong) So I got lost in the system. When I finally went to court I just plead to first offenders DUI and got the lowest sentence the judge has ever given. YAY ME! But that still is probation for a year! Which brings us to present time.
My probation officer is the most unorganized woman I have ever met and sadly my life is in her hands. Which is why about 2 weeks after I wrapped Big Mommas House 3 I ended up in the big house. YES, jail!! I spent 7 days in rice street. The same jail TI, Gucci and many other famous felons have called home. Probation put out a warrant saying I missed 2 months but while I was in jail my lovely anger black woman of a mother found out the last time I had a meeting with probation was May 4th and I spoke to her on June 27th which would mean I MISSED NO TIME!!! But as I stated before I have the worst probation officer in the history of the world.
So yes I am FREE!!! After I stood before a judge and he realized the mistake. Which only let me out of jail with an apology and put me back on probation with the same lady for another 6 months.
What I missed while I sat 7 days in jail....2 days of work on my new fav project!, 4 days of work at the regular job I hate, and ECLIPSE!! Which I saw as soon as I got out...well after a shower, real food and a couple hours of sleep in my bed.
More to come on this adventure in my life!
My girls all had plans of their own for some after club adventures (they were adventures...running over a mail box, arguing with NFL players and groupies in the Intercontinental fun night for all), so they were no help on making the choice whether to bang a random stranger or take my drunk butt home in the ride to my car.
When I finally got to the car, I still had no clue what I was going to do and I was coming down from my long island high. As I turned out of the parking lot where I left my hooptie, I turned to head south towards mid-town and when I live north. After a 5 min drive I decided to turn north and take my non-slutty self home. Which is where the real drama of the night began.
I got off my exit in which I live exactly 1.7 miles from and blew a tire. Being still some what intoxicated and very sleepy I put on my hazards and decided to drive home. BAD DESICION!! I was pulled over promptly and arrested for a DUI (with out a breathalyzer or field sobriety test). I should have just went and banged dude...he did win a championship ring in the last few years maybe I could have went to the playoffs...lol.
If you were paying attention you see the dates are a few years off. I was arrested in 2006 and charged in 2009. That's GA for you. If you read my first blog you see I have name issues. GA spells my name wrong several times. ( which has gotten me arrested because I have alias' which are all MY NAME just spelled wrong) So I got lost in the system. When I finally went to court I just plead to first offenders DUI and got the lowest sentence the judge has ever given. YAY ME! But that still is probation for a year! Which brings us to present time.
My probation officer is the most unorganized woman I have ever met and sadly my life is in her hands. Which is why about 2 weeks after I wrapped Big Mommas House 3 I ended up in the big house. YES, jail!! I spent 7 days in rice street. The same jail TI, Gucci and many other famous felons have called home. Probation put out a warrant saying I missed 2 months but while I was in jail my lovely anger black woman of a mother found out the last time I had a meeting with probation was May 4th and I spoke to her on June 27th which would mean I MISSED NO TIME!!! But as I stated before I have the worst probation officer in the history of the world.
So yes I am FREE!!! After I stood before a judge and he realized the mistake. Which only let me out of jail with an apology and put me back on probation with the same lady for another 6 months.
What I missed while I sat 7 days in jail....2 days of work on my new fav project!, 4 days of work at the regular job I hate, and ECLIPSE!! Which I saw as soon as I got out...well after a shower, real food and a couple hours of sleep in my bed.
More to come on this adventure in my life!
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
I HEAR TICKING...IS IT A BOMB OR MY BIOLOGICAL CLOCK
Second post...wooohooo me! Thanks to my 2 followers and like 4 readers. I feel so special. So here we go.
Just left Karate Kid...and Jaden Smith is such a beautiful kid. He made me want to give up my dream of having caramelized Jew fro babies (ie my crush on Nick Jonas). But I feel my dream of some how infiltrating Will and Jada's swinger life style (oh come on you heard the rumors too) and ending up preggy with some genetically mastered child that will include Will, Jada and my own dna just may not happen. But now I want a son!
So here goes my never ending circle of I'm happy alone, no I want a man, now I want kids, and then back to I am happy being alone. I want a son. Next week it will be a dog. In about a month I will want an Oscar. Well, to be honest, I will always want an Oscar.(I think).
I haven't had sexual intercourse in over a year...(sexual intercourse who the hell talks like that). I haven't dated since longer than that. Yea, I had sex out side a relationship what's it to you. Don't judge me, you don't know me...in my best Jerry Springer guest voice.
Back on topic...I want to get married and have kids, which is why I no longer have sex. I got bored. Yea bored with the whole thing. I really got bored with my whole life back then. I did too much back then. Parties, traveling for no reason, trying to live up to a life style that wasn't me. I am not a bourgie chick but I played one in my life. I don't care about labels but I bought them, real or fake. My love for sports as corrupted by friends love for athletes. That was me then and I am no longer that chick.
It may have took years but I am happy because I am free. I am me.
And now me wants a baby. While watching Karate Kid, I just wanted to hug Jaden any time he cried. I wanted to comfort him. I want a child of my own to comfort. I want my own family and since I can remember that's all I ever wanted.
When you're young people ask what do you want to be. Only things I've ever wanted to be was a wife and mother. The 2 other things that stayed with me forever was writer and actress. My goal now is to do all 4. I don't want to be famous. Which is odd for someone who wants to act. I just want to be known for TALENT. I hate being recognized for looks...also odd for actors.
This year has been amazing for me. I have met some amazing people. I have been able to be just me not some facade. Not Alexyz the ex of a professional athlete, the ex pro cheerleader but the dork who reads a book a week, who writes poetry, who loves Disney and the Jonas bothers.
But as much as I have grown into my own person my love life has SUCKED. I haven't had a date. Every guy I flirt with has a girlfriend or a wife...and that is not cool. I don't break up happy homes. But as I approach my half birthday which brings me a year and a half away from my 30th bday, I feel like something has got to give. I WANT A DAMN MAN. I mean, I'm cute, I'm fun, I am smart...I am a certified genius come on. Can I at least get a date?!?
But I am sure any potential date will be scared off if he reads this....I talked about wanting kids most of it...but I'm sure the whole fantasy of wanting to bang Will AND Jada might keep some around.
No Accepting applications!
Just left Karate Kid...and Jaden Smith is such a beautiful kid. He made me want to give up my dream of having caramelized Jew fro babies (ie my crush on Nick Jonas). But I feel my dream of some how infiltrating Will and Jada's swinger life style (oh come on you heard the rumors too) and ending up preggy with some genetically mastered child that will include Will, Jada and my own dna just may not happen. But now I want a son!
So here goes my never ending circle of I'm happy alone, no I want a man, now I want kids, and then back to I am happy being alone. I want a son. Next week it will be a dog. In about a month I will want an Oscar. Well, to be honest, I will always want an Oscar.(I think).
I haven't had sexual intercourse in over a year...(sexual intercourse who the hell talks like that). I haven't dated since longer than that. Yea, I had sex out side a relationship what's it to you. Don't judge me, you don't know me...in my best Jerry Springer guest voice.
Back on topic...I want to get married and have kids, which is why I no longer have sex. I got bored. Yea bored with the whole thing. I really got bored with my whole life back then. I did too much back then. Parties, traveling for no reason, trying to live up to a life style that wasn't me. I am not a bourgie chick but I played one in my life. I don't care about labels but I bought them, real or fake. My love for sports as corrupted by friends love for athletes. That was me then and I am no longer that chick.
It may have took years but I am happy because I am free. I am me.
And now me wants a baby. While watching Karate Kid, I just wanted to hug Jaden any time he cried. I wanted to comfort him. I want a child of my own to comfort. I want my own family and since I can remember that's all I ever wanted.
When you're young people ask what do you want to be. Only things I've ever wanted to be was a wife and mother. The 2 other things that stayed with me forever was writer and actress. My goal now is to do all 4. I don't want to be famous. Which is odd for someone who wants to act. I just want to be known for TALENT. I hate being recognized for looks...also odd for actors.
This year has been amazing for me. I have met some amazing people. I have been able to be just me not some facade. Not Alexyz the ex of a professional athlete, the ex pro cheerleader but the dork who reads a book a week, who writes poetry, who loves Disney and the Jonas bothers.
But as much as I have grown into my own person my love life has SUCKED. I haven't had a date. Every guy I flirt with has a girlfriend or a wife...and that is not cool. I don't break up happy homes. But as I approach my half birthday which brings me a year and a half away from my 30th bday, I feel like something has got to give. I WANT A DAMN MAN. I mean, I'm cute, I'm fun, I am smart...I am a certified genius come on. Can I at least get a date?!?
But I am sure any potential date will be scared off if he reads this....I talked about wanting kids most of it...but I'm sure the whole fantasy of wanting to bang Will AND Jada might keep some around.
No Accepting applications!
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Who I AM
I've been thinking about doing a blog for years but I am so random I never got around to it. Recently I picked up a new book entitled Bitch is the New Black and it inspired me. Not sure if I will have the courage to write as honestly as the author of the book but I think I can give it a try. So hear goes...
My name is Alexyz Danine Kemp...born Alexis Denine...I changed the spelling of my first name at age 14 or 15 when I decided I wanted to be an actress, my middle name was a typo on my birth certificate. I was born in Philadelphia, PA and lived there until I was 8 years old. I have lived in Roswell, Ga for most of my life but will claim Philly til the day I die. I have such a love/ hate relationship with Atlanta that I could never claim it. I find that the chicks who claim this city are not at something I want to associate myself with (more to come on this subject I am sure may even repost an old myspace blog...hahaha myspace was our friend so long ago).
I am an only child. Grew up a spoiled brat. I am still spoiled and I admit it but no longer a brat. I spoil me mainly on a budget which is where the poor part comes in. I live in my mommas basement. And I say mommas as possession and plural. I have 2 moms. Monika biological and Lisa my mom of the last few years or so who "married" my mom on a beach in Savannah in a private ceremony just them because same sex marriage isn't legal in GA. In my life my mom has only been with 2 women seriously and I do remember a few men from my childhood.
Recently, I found out my father is in jail and maybe back on drugs...I hope he was back on drugs because what sober person robs a Rite Aid at over age 50 with a good job for a felon.With this arrest my father will spend most of my life in jail.
My grandmother on my moms side treats me as if I am Gods gift to the world but some how strayed along the way. Wanting to be an actress when I have an IQ of 147, to her seems as if I have lost my mind. (147 is genius to those who don't know but I don't care I just want to be happy) My grandmother is 1 of 13 children to a still living 99 year old great grandmother.
My great granny is the greatest woman I know. She is 99 years old (we think, her birth certificate is lost and she cant remember the exact year she was born but she knows the names of all her kids, grand kids, great grand kids and great great grand kids). She accepts each and every person in our family, the gays, interracial couples, the drug addicts, the bums, the vps of major banks, the beauticians and the genius could be law students who just wants to act. I love her dearly. Shout out to Euna May Colquit
But this first post is called Who I AM...capitalized AM because this is my definition of ME. But as most of us I would not be ME with the above mentioned people. But now back to ME!
I am single...and kinda over it but I am not looking. I have a lot of associates but few friends. If I call you friend I love you. I would fight crazy lesbians for you while trying to look hot in a bright pink wig, I will make fun of you for stalking the backstreet boys at age 31 but be happy that you FINALLY met AJ...and I would share with you my deep dark secret crush on Nick Jonas. I don't judge my friends and they don't judge my 28 year old Disney channel, Jonas Brothers, Miley Cyrus, still blasting Nsync small but dreaming I had a big booty butt! I know who my friends are because they love me and I so adore them.
Lets see what else can I tell the world about me...I read alot! I read about a book a week. I read almost any and everything. I have an obsession with vampires, so yes I have read the Twilight saga. I have also read all the Sookie Stackhouse novels True Blood is based on and I have read all published Vampire Diaries books...which is also the show I am the stand-in for the only black character on the series. I read what I call 60s and 70s trashy novels like Valley of the Dolls, Looking for Mr Goodbar ( I want to remake the film version of Valley of the Dolls and stay true to the book)
I also write. But the strange thing about my writing is I feel I have no control over it. I get one simple idea and begin to write and them my imagination takes over and I get lost in the story as if I am the reader....I have several stories I have no clue how it ends because my mind hasn't told me yet.
I am weird I am quirky but I am fun. I used to club I haven't in forever. I love to dance and was a professional dancer for years. The best job I ever had is the job I have now being on set daily and changing characters...second best being on tour with Nsync for 2 1/2 years. I love men but would so do Scarlotte Johanson (and Ryan Renyolds) or Kerry Washington. I think Malcolm X was one of the sexist men who walked this planet and I would give up weave and bacon for him. I cry on movies, commercials, life period makes me shed tears at times. That is all I can think of now for this first yet long blog about me...Hope who ever you are who read this enjoyed it. If not...PEACE OUT SUCKAS!!
My name is Alexyz Danine Kemp...born Alexis Denine...I changed the spelling of my first name at age 14 or 15 when I decided I wanted to be an actress, my middle name was a typo on my birth certificate. I was born in Philadelphia, PA and lived there until I was 8 years old. I have lived in Roswell, Ga for most of my life but will claim Philly til the day I die. I have such a love/ hate relationship with Atlanta that I could never claim it. I find that the chicks who claim this city are not at something I want to associate myself with (more to come on this subject I am sure may even repost an old myspace blog...hahaha myspace was our friend so long ago).
I am an only child. Grew up a spoiled brat. I am still spoiled and I admit it but no longer a brat. I spoil me mainly on a budget which is where the poor part comes in. I live in my mommas basement. And I say mommas as possession and plural. I have 2 moms. Monika biological and Lisa my mom of the last few years or so who "married" my mom on a beach in Savannah in a private ceremony just them because same sex marriage isn't legal in GA. In my life my mom has only been with 2 women seriously and I do remember a few men from my childhood.
Recently, I found out my father is in jail and maybe back on drugs...I hope he was back on drugs because what sober person robs a Rite Aid at over age 50 with a good job for a felon.With this arrest my father will spend most of my life in jail.
My grandmother on my moms side treats me as if I am Gods gift to the world but some how strayed along the way. Wanting to be an actress when I have an IQ of 147, to her seems as if I have lost my mind. (147 is genius to those who don't know but I don't care I just want to be happy) My grandmother is 1 of 13 children to a still living 99 year old great grandmother.
My great granny is the greatest woman I know. She is 99 years old (we think, her birth certificate is lost and she cant remember the exact year she was born but she knows the names of all her kids, grand kids, great grand kids and great great grand kids). She accepts each and every person in our family, the gays, interracial couples, the drug addicts, the bums, the vps of major banks, the beauticians and the genius could be law students who just wants to act. I love her dearly. Shout out to Euna May Colquit
But this first post is called Who I AM...capitalized AM because this is my definition of ME. But as most of us I would not be ME with the above mentioned people. But now back to ME!
I am single...and kinda over it but I am not looking. I have a lot of associates but few friends. If I call you friend I love you. I would fight crazy lesbians for you while trying to look hot in a bright pink wig, I will make fun of you for stalking the backstreet boys at age 31 but be happy that you FINALLY met AJ...and I would share with you my deep dark secret crush on Nick Jonas. I don't judge my friends and they don't judge my 28 year old Disney channel, Jonas Brothers, Miley Cyrus, still blasting Nsync small but dreaming I had a big booty butt! I know who my friends are because they love me and I so adore them.
Lets see what else can I tell the world about me...I read alot! I read about a book a week. I read almost any and everything. I have an obsession with vampires, so yes I have read the Twilight saga. I have also read all the Sookie Stackhouse novels True Blood is based on and I have read all published Vampire Diaries books...which is also the show I am the stand-in for the only black character on the series. I read what I call 60s and 70s trashy novels like Valley of the Dolls, Looking for Mr Goodbar ( I want to remake the film version of Valley of the Dolls and stay true to the book)
I also write. But the strange thing about my writing is I feel I have no control over it. I get one simple idea and begin to write and them my imagination takes over and I get lost in the story as if I am the reader....I have several stories I have no clue how it ends because my mind hasn't told me yet.
I am weird I am quirky but I am fun. I used to club I haven't in forever. I love to dance and was a professional dancer for years. The best job I ever had is the job I have now being on set daily and changing characters...second best being on tour with Nsync for 2 1/2 years. I love men but would so do Scarlotte Johanson (and Ryan Renyolds) or Kerry Washington. I think Malcolm X was one of the sexist men who walked this planet and I would give up weave and bacon for him. I cry on movies, commercials, life period makes me shed tears at times. That is all I can think of now for this first yet long blog about me...Hope who ever you are who read this enjoyed it. If not...PEACE OUT SUCKAS!!
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