Waiting...Not Looking For Love

I would like to start this blog by saying I LOVE MEN! I absolutely, positively, with ever inch of my being adore men. But I also find them all to be douche bags! Gay men, straight men, bi curious (greedy) men are all douchebags. Which doesn't make me not love them...if fact it makes me love some of them more.

I have the coolest job ever. I work in tv and movies. So all day I get to stare at beautiful people. I work on The Vampire Diaries...and OMG that has to be the most beautiful set ever. The crew is even beautiful and all are douche bags. (lol) J/K. I love working on that show it has to be my fav place ever. But when you leave the wonderful beautiful world of Mystic Falls and enter the real world..it kinda sucks.

I happened to be blessed with some very beautiful and talented friends, so my world is not at all ugly. But as previous blogs stated the entire world is gay! But recently I met, well, got reacquainted with a straight man! Made me miss them. He was a very beautiful not at all in my league straight man. And he danced with me. He hugged me. And gave me a kiss goodnight! Okay, so it was just a kiss on the cheek and it was a large group of us together but just that little bit of attention from a GEORGEOUS HETRO male was enough to put me on cloud 9. I'll be high from this for a while. It's the first straight guy attention I got in a while. (that wasn't disrespectful) So I will enjoy it!

Speaking of attention. Why does the guy you never ever ever ever like want to make you their wife? This hasn't happen to me in years but it seems to be the case a lot. The one guy who you would never date in a million years is the nicest guy in the world and would run your bath water while making you the best dinner of your life. In movies this guy you end up with in the end. But real life is NOT the movies. Not at all. Theres no cut and re-shoots. No second team to block all the steps out for you so you can just step in and make it look good. Life is one continuous shot. (steadicam) This guy may want you to play the leading lady in his epic...but he just maybe a bit player in your drama. (enough movie puns).

How do you let the guy down? Do you let him down if he's a friend or test fate to see if he could be the one? This is one of lifes most complicated situations. When friends fall in love with you what do you do?

I always find it weird when friends fall in love with me. I think its my self esteem issues sneaking up on me. I have only had it happen twice in my life so I am no expert on it. The 2 guys who did fall in love with me were like my best friends. The thing that freaked me out about them loving me was that they knew me. Knew the real me and they loved me. I couldn't accept that. I think I have just to the point in life where I can accept that someone could love me. I think because I just began to actually love me. (wow got deep there)

So to move on from that deep self reflecting moment. I am waiting for love but not at all looking for it. Meaning I am not searching for it. I have a great group of friends. A fun job where I look at beautiful people all day. Once in a while a straight man hits on me or shows me attention. And I know that one day I will have love.

Also I wouldn't mind falling in love in Mystic Falls if cupid is out there reading this.