Getting myself together for a photo shoot for new head shots...getting my resume together. And working on finding me an agent....the life of a dreamer working towards something.
I'm just kinda over this whole trying to sell myself thing. I wish for once my talent was enough. Not my looks, my ethnicity, or shape of my body. I really picked the wrong career path if I want to be judged by more.
Recently, I have had the same conversation almost every day. Why are there no black women in Hollywood? Tarji is the only one working now. Where are my brown skin, dark chocolate sisters at? I am not trying to get all Laryn Hill on you. But I have been fired (not fired but bump down to background) from 2 stand-in jobs because I was too dark. I don't want to be a stand-in for the rest of my life. I am waiting for that day when I am first team not second and I know that day is coming.
So will I then be the only brown skin girl working? A lot of times these events make me question who I am.
I am very proud of who I am. The Egyptian side of me gave me the lovely eyes I have. The Black side gave me the wonderful family I have...and the Dominican side gave me the high tolerance (wooohooo shots) lol.
In this industry is exotic sells. So I am marketed as multi-racial. I am black. I am proud. I am proud of everything that I am. But I just wanna be a black girl.
Then again...I have about a pound and a half of 18in of weave sown into my skull.(hair weave done like Europeans). I don't wear contacts...I try to keep the make-up minimal. Just try to enhance my eyes *wink* I refuse to be in the sun. I don't tan and if I do I exfoliate and use skin brighter lotion. I refuse to be darker! So, I have a complex about complexion.
We are taught light is right. Sad thing is all those segregation issues of the past are still present today. The brown paper bag test is still in effect. ( For those who don't know the brown paper bag test was an old Hollywood legend...if you were lighter than the bag you got work as an actress)
And the roles out there for black women are few and far between. And who really wants to play a crack head, a hoe, have a mommy on drugs, a daddy in jail, play the sassy black best friend without a man but knows everything about them. Or work for Tyler Perry. I have yet to work with Mr. Perry and pray the good Lord blesses me with work to continue to keep me away from that man. (But if I need the money I will be an extra in Madea's Big Family Reunion)
Speaking of extra work. I work a lot and I pray I continue to work. I place my life and my dreams in Gods hands and each day he blesses me by placing me a step closer to my dreams. That being said...I am over working for black productions. I have worked as a featured extra on 2 different black sitcoms this year and each one has had pay roll issues. I just want to get paid for my work why do I have to fight you for my money. I work on anything else I get my pay check in 2 to 3 weeks.
Is this why there are not a lot of black people on tv? We don't know how to take care of our own. This breaks my heart. We are so much better than this.
So, maybe it's not "them" holding us back...perhaps it's "us".
We have so many opportunities that so many before us didn't have. My great grandmother Euna Mae Colquitt will be 100 years old on Sept 10 she knew of slavery, of segregation, of fighting for civil rights. She watched her children pick cotton as share croppers to pay for college. Saw her youngest rise to be the vice president of Wachovia. Her history is our history. Her story is our story. We are not just the pimps, hoes, drug dealers, players, athletes, and sassy chicks they show us on tv. Lets show the world we can be more.
We don't need their permission. Let's do it for us, for future generations.
And please lets pay our extras!!
I definitely understand your complex about complexion... Truthfully the world in which we live in not just the industry that we work in often treats us the same way. I am from Louisiana where it is home to beautiful creole women I have endured my fair share of feeling like is it my complexion or something else. I had to check myself and in certain situations I had to realize that if a way isn't made for me, regardless to why, I need to make a way for myself. If certain shows don't pay me on time write and direct my own films, give myself a leading role, and make it happen for myself. We often play the background because we choose too because where there is a will there is a way. You and I are both beautiful women inside and out and it is definitely time for us to step up to the plate and make a way for ourselves and for others. xoxo
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