Second post...wooohooo me! Thanks to my 2 followers and like 4 readers. I feel so special. So here we go.
Just left Karate Kid...and Jaden Smith is such a beautiful kid. He made me want to give up my dream of having caramelized Jew fro babies (ie my crush on Nick Jonas). But I feel my dream of some how infiltrating Will and Jada's swinger life style (oh come on you heard the rumors too) and ending up preggy with some genetically mastered child that will include Will, Jada and my own dna just may not happen. But now I want a son!
So here goes my never ending circle of I'm happy alone, no I want a man, now I want kids, and then back to I am happy being alone. I want a son. Next week it will be a dog. In about a month I will want an Oscar. Well, to be honest, I will always want an Oscar.(I think).
I haven't had sexual intercourse in over a year...(sexual intercourse who the hell talks like that). I haven't dated since longer than that. Yea, I had sex out side a relationship what's it to you. Don't judge me, you don't know me...in my best Jerry Springer guest voice.
Back on topic...I want to get married and have kids, which is why I no longer have sex. I got bored. Yea bored with the whole thing. I really got bored with my whole life back then. I did too much back then. Parties, traveling for no reason, trying to live up to a life style that wasn't me. I am not a bourgie chick but I played one in my life. I don't care about labels but I bought them, real or fake. My love for sports as corrupted by friends love for athletes. That was me then and I am no longer that chick.
It may have took years but I am happy because I am free. I am me.
And now me wants a baby. While watching Karate Kid, I just wanted to hug Jaden any time he cried. I wanted to comfort him. I want a child of my own to comfort. I want my own family and since I can remember that's all I ever wanted.
When you're young people ask what do you want to be. Only things I've ever wanted to be was a wife and mother. The 2 other things that stayed with me forever was writer and actress. My goal now is to do all 4. I don't want to be famous. Which is odd for someone who wants to act. I just want to be known for TALENT. I hate being recognized for looks...also odd for actors.
This year has been amazing for me. I have met some amazing people. I have been able to be just me not some facade. Not Alexyz the ex of a professional athlete, the ex pro cheerleader but the dork who reads a book a week, who writes poetry, who loves Disney and the Jonas bothers.
But as much as I have grown into my own person my love life has SUCKED. I haven't had a date. Every guy I flirt with has a girlfriend or a wife...and that is not cool. I don't break up happy homes. But as I approach my half birthday which brings me a year and a half away from my 30th bday, I feel like something has got to give. I WANT A DAMN MAN. I mean, I'm cute, I'm fun, I am smart...I am a certified genius come on. Can I at least get a date?!?
But I am sure any potential date will be scared off if he reads this....I talked about wanting kids most of it...but I'm sure the whole fantasy of wanting to bang Will AND Jada might keep some around.
No Accepting applications!
No comments:
Post a Comment