While watching Sex and The City reruns, I realized something. I don't want to be these women. I don't want to be the chicks on Girlfriends either. I don't want to be any of these tv women. I am fine being me.
Most, if not all, women watch. love, adore and worship Sex and the City. It's a great show and 2 really good movies. I love them all. I used to wonder why my friendships weren't like these women's. Where were my 3 bffs that I had brunch with every week. I am blessed to have the 1 best friend I have.
One of my fav lines from SATC is when Charlotte said "I have been dating since I was 15 I am tired where is he, my hair hurts" MY HAIR HURTS TOO!!! But I think its the braids under the pounds of tracks I have on my head. I have been dating since birth like most women my age now but honestly I can say I have had only a few real relationships and none of them very long. I have had many on and off relationships that last years because I make the silly mistake of taking dude back. So now I don't date. I am not looking. And I am actually not lonely...most of the time. I am an only child so I am used to being alone. I enjoy dinner and movies by myself, I go out alone. At times I dated just to get a meal or go see a movie I wanted to see. Not because I liked the guy.(that was years ago lol) Now I am fine being with me.
So right now I am sexless in the suburbs.
I couldn't get a date if I tried. Not that I really have. Well, I kinda have. I am only around movie industry guys now and I usually don't fish in my own pond but that's all I am around now. So I tried dating a PA, he kept asking when I was coming to his crib just to "hang". I don't "hang" that early sir.Then my other issue is every guy I find attractive on set has a girl. Ugh I just can't win.
Sometimes a girl just want a man to touch her, tell her she's pretty, hold her hand, MAKE OUT! That's what I miss from dating. I miss making out. Just the kissing. I am so over the grabbing and the groping....I get enough of that from my fellow "background artist". I just want to kiss someone.
I also miss talking on the phone...you remember those late night conversations about nothing at all. I miss that.
I think I miss the whole puppy love faze.
Anyone have a time machine...7th grade hear I come.
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
Why I should play Helena Andrews in Bitch is the New Black
Bitch is the new black for all of you who didn't know...is a book being adapted into a movie. I MUST play the lead role. Not want to play or have a strong desire to play...this role was written for me. Helena Andrews life is mine...if i would have taken a million different roads. Okay, so it's not my life but I see a lot of similarities.
So here is a list of reasons why I should play Helena
For the obvious....1. We both are women, 2. We both are black 3. We are about the same age ( I am an actress I will never put my real age on the Internet I may have to lie in years)
Other not so obvious reasons 4. We both have grand-baby wishing and praying lesbian mothers. (as much as I love my mom I am so over the whole when you gonna get married and have babies question)
Random tidbit...A young lady about the age of 19/20 I met while my probation officer wasn't doing her job actually said to me when I said I don't have any children...."you must not be able to have kids" I said no "I know how to use condoms" I noticed almost every woman I spent my 7 day vaca from the real world with had at least one child. And these chicks were not on a 7 day vaca some were on a 7 year sentence or more...and their kids were left in the world on their own or stuck with some family member. I don't want to bring a child into this world when I am not sure I can be there every minute of every day for them. I am too selfish for a child at this moment in life.
Okay back to the list..what number are we at...okay 5. Helena is a writer who can't spell...ME too! Okay so I am not published. But I have been writing my entire life. I write everything from songs, to poetry, short stories and I have about 20 composition note books full of half finished novels. And I am sure all of them have millions of spelling and grammatical errors. Writing is the one thing everyone has told me to do. From teachers, family, strangers, anyone who reads any of my real work (not blogging lol) says I should write...me I want to ACT! Writing can come later. I can do that at 90.
6.Helena grew up in Compton....or so she says whenever her ghetto or hood membership is called into question. I grew up in North Philly...whenever I need to prove how hard core I am....She moved around quite a bit when she young...including living on a island where it seems the only black people were her and her non conformist mother. She also is a product of private schools and an ivy league education. (which in my opinion should be the new definition of Black not just hood, ghetto, prison and babies...education, families, business owners, authors, Presidents and of course talented actors who don't play slaves, hookers, pimps, strippers, or ghetto baby mommas). Oh now for the comparison...I also went to private school and I am sure if I would have applied to an ivy league school I could have gone but we all know me...I chose to go on tour with Nsync instead of going directly to college.
7. Helena was a professional cheerleader...I auditioned and made the Hawks dance team...work for the Hawks for years. But no I was not a professional cheerleader. Yes, I made the team...I chose not to be a part of it. I chose instead to go on tour...I did that a lot in life. But I did work with the team and did actually do some choreography back in the day before they were the "A-Town" Dancers.
8.Did I already say we both were women...what about we both are black...OK! I got I am an actress. It's my job to play parts. I have taken many classes and continue to hone my craft. I have played many different parts. But recently because of my damn good genes and cocoa and shea butter...I always play teens or college age. Which I am not at all complaining about. This would be a chance to play (close to) my own age.
9. The movie is being produced by Shonda Rhimes. A black woman! She is success in the industry already with Greys Anatomy and Private Practice. She is an inspiration for me and should be for any woman (black, white, green, yellow, and purple) trying to make it in this very male dominated industry. I would be honored to just work with her and would try to learn EVERYTHING I could from her. Just to have a conversation with her I know I would learn so much and be one step close to my dream of starting a successful production company.
10.( I think I need 10...a list needs to even and rounded) So this one will be a weird one. As a child Helena had strange relationship with numbers. They played out a soap opera in her imagination. This is something I never really shared because I thought it made me a dork. The reason I was so good at math in school is because of my relationship with numbers. They had characters, roles they played in each others life. All this went on in my imagination. When I read that she had a similar imagination I didn't feel so much like a dork. (which I know I am)
I NEED TO PLAY HELENA ANDREWS (or the character they come up with when the finish the screen play names may change) IN BITCH IS THE NEW BLACK.
And YOU, my readers, need to read Bitch is the new black and come up with a list of your own why I should play Helena Andrews...(or just read the book)
ATLANTA READERS...Helena Andrews will be at Charis Books on WED July 14th at 7:30pm. Meet me there and get your book signed...and tell her I should be in the movie!
So here is a list of reasons why I should play Helena
For the obvious....1. We both are women, 2. We both are black 3. We are about the same age ( I am an actress I will never put my real age on the Internet I may have to lie in years)
Other not so obvious reasons 4. We both have grand-baby wishing and praying lesbian mothers. (as much as I love my mom I am so over the whole when you gonna get married and have babies question)
Random tidbit...A young lady about the age of 19/20 I met while my probation officer wasn't doing her job actually said to me when I said I don't have any children...."you must not be able to have kids" I said no "I know how to use condoms" I noticed almost every woman I spent my 7 day vaca from the real world with had at least one child. And these chicks were not on a 7 day vaca some were on a 7 year sentence or more...and their kids were left in the world on their own or stuck with some family member. I don't want to bring a child into this world when I am not sure I can be there every minute of every day for them. I am too selfish for a child at this moment in life.
Okay back to the list..what number are we at...okay 5. Helena is a writer who can't spell...ME too! Okay so I am not published. But I have been writing my entire life. I write everything from songs, to poetry, short stories and I have about 20 composition note books full of half finished novels. And I am sure all of them have millions of spelling and grammatical errors. Writing is the one thing everyone has told me to do. From teachers, family, strangers, anyone who reads any of my real work (not blogging lol) says I should write...me I want to ACT! Writing can come later. I can do that at 90.
6.Helena grew up in Compton....or so she says whenever her ghetto or hood membership is called into question. I grew up in North Philly...whenever I need to prove how hard core I am....She moved around quite a bit when she young...including living on a island where it seems the only black people were her and her non conformist mother. She also is a product of private schools and an ivy league education. (which in my opinion should be the new definition of Black not just hood, ghetto, prison and babies...education, families, business owners, authors, Presidents and of course talented actors who don't play slaves, hookers, pimps, strippers, or ghetto baby mommas). Oh now for the comparison...I also went to private school and I am sure if I would have applied to an ivy league school I could have gone but we all know me...I chose to go on tour with Nsync instead of going directly to college.
7. Helena was a professional cheerleader...I auditioned and made the Hawks dance team...work for the Hawks for years. But no I was not a professional cheerleader. Yes, I made the team...I chose not to be a part of it. I chose instead to go on tour...I did that a lot in life. But I did work with the team and did actually do some choreography back in the day before they were the "A-Town" Dancers.
8.Did I already say we both were women...what about we both are black...OK! I got I am an actress. It's my job to play parts. I have taken many classes and continue to hone my craft. I have played many different parts. But recently because of my damn good genes and cocoa and shea butter...I always play teens or college age. Which I am not at all complaining about. This would be a chance to play (close to) my own age.
9. The movie is being produced by Shonda Rhimes. A black woman! She is success in the industry already with Greys Anatomy and Private Practice. She is an inspiration for me and should be for any woman (black, white, green, yellow, and purple) trying to make it in this very male dominated industry. I would be honored to just work with her and would try to learn EVERYTHING I could from her. Just to have a conversation with her I know I would learn so much and be one step close to my dream of starting a successful production company.
10.( I think I need 10...a list needs to even and rounded) So this one will be a weird one. As a child Helena had strange relationship with numbers. They played out a soap opera in her imagination. This is something I never really shared because I thought it made me a dork. The reason I was so good at math in school is because of my relationship with numbers. They had characters, roles they played in each others life. All this went on in my imagination. When I read that she had a similar imagination I didn't feel so much like a dork. (which I know I am)
I NEED TO PLAY HELENA ANDREWS (or the character they come up with when the finish the screen play names may change) IN BITCH IS THE NEW BLACK.
And YOU, my readers, need to read Bitch is the new black and come up with a list of your own why I should play Helena Andrews...(or just read the book)
ATLANTA READERS...Helena Andrews will be at Charis Books on WED July 14th at 7:30pm. Meet me there and get your book signed...and tell her I should be in the movie!
Friday, July 9, 2010
NO LONGER POOR!!
No, I didn't win the lottery or land that dream role that pays me millions and shoots me into the world of super stardom. I just dont want anything negative in my life. So, even if my financial situation may not have me driving a benz, beemer or a bently, I am happy. And that is all that matters!! So I changed the tittle of my blog. Took out the poor...added the young. Which I am!!! Or at least I play young on tv.
I find that I am a lot more positive lately. Even in hard times (like the last blog). Recently, I have mad changes in my life. I let some very harmful friendships go. Which was hard to do because I was attached to these people for years. I changed a lot of my habits. I stopped going to clubs. I completely cut out any activity that involves groupies in Atlanta....which means I don't leave my house. It is Atlanta, going to Kroger can become a groupie activity.
All this being said...I am happier. I feel better about myself because I am no longer in a world where I have to compete for attention. Well, that's not true I am an actress. To re-phrase I no longer compete for negative attention. I am still in a world where looks are a high priority but talent, brains and personality are the things that keep you around in this world. In my former materialistic life if you were light skin with pretty hair...you could (and most likely was) be the biggest bitch in the world and still get all the attention. True you got talked about behind your back...by EVERYONE (yes even your friends talk about you)
Disclaimer: THIS IS NOT ABOUT ANYONE IN PARTICULAR JUST A MESH OF MY EXPERINCES
So I deleted poor from my life and my blog. I will no longer reflect on anything negative in my life. I am blessed just to have life. And to have a life where I get to do what I love almost every day. (yes I love being an extra, a stand-in even a production assistant...it may not be my ultimate goal but I am on my way there)
So my advice to all of my readers is eliminate the negative and focus on the positive things you have in life...make a list and reflect on it. I'll start it for you...
1. LIFE (that has to be the most positive thing you have going...you woke up today)
2. You get to read my random rantings (just thought I would throw that in there)
Be blessed readers and Merry Christmas (yes I know it's July...I said I was random pay attention!!)
I find that I am a lot more positive lately. Even in hard times (like the last blog). Recently, I have mad changes in my life. I let some very harmful friendships go. Which was hard to do because I was attached to these people for years. I changed a lot of my habits. I stopped going to clubs. I completely cut out any activity that involves groupies in Atlanta....which means I don't leave my house. It is Atlanta, going to Kroger can become a groupie activity.
All this being said...I am happier. I feel better about myself because I am no longer in a world where I have to compete for attention. Well, that's not true I am an actress. To re-phrase I no longer compete for negative attention. I am still in a world where looks are a high priority but talent, brains and personality are the things that keep you around in this world. In my former materialistic life if you were light skin with pretty hair...you could (and most likely was) be the biggest bitch in the world and still get all the attention. True you got talked about behind your back...by EVERYONE (yes even your friends talk about you)
Disclaimer: THIS IS NOT ABOUT ANYONE IN PARTICULAR JUST A MESH OF MY EXPERINCES
So I deleted poor from my life and my blog. I will no longer reflect on anything negative in my life. I am blessed just to have life. And to have a life where I get to do what I love almost every day. (yes I love being an extra, a stand-in even a production assistant...it may not be my ultimate goal but I am on my way there)
So my advice to all of my readers is eliminate the negative and focus on the positive things you have in life...make a list and reflect on it. I'll start it for you...
1. LIFE (that has to be the most positive thing you have going...you woke up today)
2. You get to read my random rantings (just thought I would throw that in there)
Be blessed readers and Merry Christmas (yes I know it's July...I said I was random pay attention!!)
Thursday, July 8, 2010
From Big Mommas House to The Big House
So I am on probation. I have been on probation since Dec 1, 2009 from an incident that happened in 2006. On a very nice night in 2006 I went out with some females (non in which I talk to now) and drank 1 too many peach long islands. During the evening of flirting and dancing with a variety of NBA players...one approached me and had the best pick up line I ever heard. (Are you ready for this?) His words exactly "I wanna fuck the shit out of you" Now I know you are thinking why didn't I just jump on that right then and there which smooth game like that thrown at me. But I needed a little more liquid courage, so I enjoyed more of the peach long islands that seemed to just be flowing from the bar. As the lights of the club came on scattering the patrons like roaches, I still hadn't made my decision on if I was going to climb my new damn near 7 foot friend.( even though I did have the hotel name and room number in my recent text messages).
My girls all had plans of their own for some after club adventures (they were adventures...running over a mail box, arguing with NFL players and groupies in the Intercontinental fun night for all), so they were no help on making the choice whether to bang a random stranger or take my drunk butt home in the ride to my car.
When I finally got to the car, I still had no clue what I was going to do and I was coming down from my long island high. As I turned out of the parking lot where I left my hooptie, I turned to head south towards mid-town and when I live north. After a 5 min drive I decided to turn north and take my non-slutty self home. Which is where the real drama of the night began.
I got off my exit in which I live exactly 1.7 miles from and blew a tire. Being still some what intoxicated and very sleepy I put on my hazards and decided to drive home. BAD DESICION!! I was pulled over promptly and arrested for a DUI (with out a breathalyzer or field sobriety test). I should have just went and banged dude...he did win a championship ring in the last few years maybe I could have went to the playoffs...lol.
If you were paying attention you see the dates are a few years off. I was arrested in 2006 and charged in 2009. That's GA for you. If you read my first blog you see I have name issues. GA spells my name wrong several times. ( which has gotten me arrested because I have alias' which are all MY NAME just spelled wrong) So I got lost in the system. When I finally went to court I just plead to first offenders DUI and got the lowest sentence the judge has ever given. YAY ME! But that still is probation for a year! Which brings us to present time.
My probation officer is the most unorganized woman I have ever met and sadly my life is in her hands. Which is why about 2 weeks after I wrapped Big Mommas House 3 I ended up in the big house. YES, jail!! I spent 7 days in rice street. The same jail TI, Gucci and many other famous felons have called home. Probation put out a warrant saying I missed 2 months but while I was in jail my lovely anger black woman of a mother found out the last time I had a meeting with probation was May 4th and I spoke to her on June 27th which would mean I MISSED NO TIME!!! But as I stated before I have the worst probation officer in the history of the world.
So yes I am FREE!!! After I stood before a judge and he realized the mistake. Which only let me out of jail with an apology and put me back on probation with the same lady for another 6 months.
What I missed while I sat 7 days in jail....2 days of work on my new fav project!, 4 days of work at the regular job I hate, and ECLIPSE!! Which I saw as soon as I got out...well after a shower, real food and a couple hours of sleep in my bed.
More to come on this adventure in my life!
My girls all had plans of their own for some after club adventures (they were adventures...running over a mail box, arguing with NFL players and groupies in the Intercontinental fun night for all), so they were no help on making the choice whether to bang a random stranger or take my drunk butt home in the ride to my car.
When I finally got to the car, I still had no clue what I was going to do and I was coming down from my long island high. As I turned out of the parking lot where I left my hooptie, I turned to head south towards mid-town and when I live north. After a 5 min drive I decided to turn north and take my non-slutty self home. Which is where the real drama of the night began.
I got off my exit in which I live exactly 1.7 miles from and blew a tire. Being still some what intoxicated and very sleepy I put on my hazards and decided to drive home. BAD DESICION!! I was pulled over promptly and arrested for a DUI (with out a breathalyzer or field sobriety test). I should have just went and banged dude...he did win a championship ring in the last few years maybe I could have went to the playoffs...lol.
If you were paying attention you see the dates are a few years off. I was arrested in 2006 and charged in 2009. That's GA for you. If you read my first blog you see I have name issues. GA spells my name wrong several times. ( which has gotten me arrested because I have alias' which are all MY NAME just spelled wrong) So I got lost in the system. When I finally went to court I just plead to first offenders DUI and got the lowest sentence the judge has ever given. YAY ME! But that still is probation for a year! Which brings us to present time.
My probation officer is the most unorganized woman I have ever met and sadly my life is in her hands. Which is why about 2 weeks after I wrapped Big Mommas House 3 I ended up in the big house. YES, jail!! I spent 7 days in rice street. The same jail TI, Gucci and many other famous felons have called home. Probation put out a warrant saying I missed 2 months but while I was in jail my lovely anger black woman of a mother found out the last time I had a meeting with probation was May 4th and I spoke to her on June 27th which would mean I MISSED NO TIME!!! But as I stated before I have the worst probation officer in the history of the world.
So yes I am FREE!!! After I stood before a judge and he realized the mistake. Which only let me out of jail with an apology and put me back on probation with the same lady for another 6 months.
What I missed while I sat 7 days in jail....2 days of work on my new fav project!, 4 days of work at the regular job I hate, and ECLIPSE!! Which I saw as soon as I got out...well after a shower, real food and a couple hours of sleep in my bed.
More to come on this adventure in my life!
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