A, B, and C Rent

A, B and C Rent.....sigh

I'm going to break this blog down into 3 parts that's why it's called A, B and C Rent....B will be the most difficult to write but I need to get some feelings out. Most of my writings are reflections of my work life. This one is not. This is a look back on my dating life. But mainly its for me to express some feelings that people don't understand when I express them. Sometimes you just gotta get shit out...:) So here we go...and thanks again for reading this.

A....Rent 

Rent...the return derived from cultivated or improved land or property. (property in this blog is my heart)

I have been single for a while now. I learned to be happy with it because I know God has a plan. I'm not saying I go through life smiling and happy all the time. I have my moments when I wish I had a boo (usually when I am drinking) but for the most part I am ok. I am a big flirt. I am also the typical girl who loves attention from the opposite sex (should I say typical straight girl) but I don't fawn over every man who says hi to me. I don't fawn over any man who says hi to me. That may be my issue right now. I don't like anyone. I think people are cute and would like to date but there is no one in particular I want to date. I am good being me and focusing on my future. So in conclusion for A....I'm at a happy place when it comes to my relationship status.

B......Rent

This is a reflection of the past. I know A should have been the past instead of the present since C will be the future. But this is my blog and I will write it how I want to :) So here goes B......rent. 

To Rent is to occupy or make use of someone's land or property for a fee. Your heart is your property....so if you let someone occupy it they are renting your heart. Yes, for a fee which should be paid in love but that's not always the case. My heart was occupied at by someone who I moved in. They on the other hand didn't care too much for the arrangement. 

I am usually not one to fall easily especially for anyone in a job or position when they are in the spotlight. But something was different about this guy. He was from Philly and I am a sucker for a home town boy. He was super humble and worked hard for everything he had which wasn't much but he was on his way. We talked for hours and was really getting to know each other. Had a couple of great dates...but things didn't work out. And now he's a super star and married. I know this because the world of social media makes it damn near impossible to escape your past. 

Next sad thing is...I know his wife. Not personally we have friends in common (who come to think of it might read this can put 2 and 2 together so even tho I used no names it could get back to her) My world so who cares. So other than seeing him become super successful, I am also a witness to his beautiful marriage and gorgeous family.

Honestly, I had those why not me moments. I compared myself to her and of course I like me more. But I never really found fault in her. It wasn't my decision to make. It was his and he choose her. And if he didn't would I actually want him or is my asking what ifs just reflections that I am alone and he is happily married now. 

So that brings us to C...rent

Definition is pretty much the same as A.

I'm in a good place. Flipping my property so to say. Making upgrades. And part of my upgrades is to let go of jealousy. It's a perfectly normal feeling to have but I have no reason to be jealous. This is the part people don't understand when I tell them. Most of my friends say they would hate on the afore mentioned relationship. Talk bad about the new wife. Say things like I'm cuter than her, what she got that I don't, she ain't ish. and all that other bs. ME....I say I am happy for them. And I honestly am. I think it's amazing that 2 people found each other and found love in this mess we call Atlanta. They seem genuinely happy from what I hear. He found someone that was everything he needed. So in that aspect I am jealous. Not jealous of her for marrying him. But jealous they found something in each other that I have yet to find in anyone. 

Not someone you want to rent your property but own....

Cheesy I know but it all makes sense to me. 

Peace, Love and Blessings to all 

Alexyz

HEY HEY....SO YOU WANT TO BE FAMOUS

Just in case you're not cool...the title of this blog is the hook to a B.O.B song. I love Bobby Ray.

But my love for my future baby daddy ...Bobby Ray aka B.O.B is not what this blog is about.

This blog is a reflection on my life...for the past week.

This week I have been a life coach. I the unemployed, out of work, living off savings aspiring actress, producer and writer has been a life coach to beautiful, talented, working actors.

The irony of the situation speaks for itself. I am not complaining. I love my friends and I am happy for all of them. I feel honored that I am the one people call on when they need someone to talk to.

But it does make me think....

The entertainment industry can kill your spirit. It can make you an entirely different person than you set out to be. I know. I've changed. I became someone I didn't much care for. I began drinking to much. I started hanging out with people that normally I wouldn't. I felt myself slowly slipping away. I cared to much about the fame, the names and what the so called "cool" kids were doing. I became one of the "cool" kids. But at what price?

Luckily for me I over think when I am alone. I analyze everything including myself and my future And I didn't like what I saw. So I sat down and prayed. First, I went to God for forgiveness. I asked him to help me make better choices in my life and to guide my path.

So I stopped hanging with certain people. Stopped going out. Started trying to build actual friendships. People who care about me not about the perks that came with the career I chose. Then I was blessed.

With Kenya...a month away from the materialistic society we live in. Time to actually give of myself. To put smiles on children's faces by just doing the simplest of tasks. I worked harder there than I ever have in my life. It was absolutely amazing, challenging and just plain incredible. (also a great diet...lost 12lbs woooohooo)

Now I am back...and I am trying to keep my sanity in an insane world. Trying to have some sense of morality in an industry that is very morally corrupt. Trying not to revert to my former party girl self. The streets are not the place for me. Although I miss my friends. I miss dancing. (I need to find a non hood, non drunk and drug infested place to shake what my momma gave me)

I have fallen short but I am still blessed. I am not ashamed of my past but it's just that PASSED. I've moved on. I will continue to make mistakes, I am human but I pray each mistake brings a new lesson. And each lesson is a blessing.

So you want to be famous...which I completely understand.
Just remember who YOU are before the fame, remember who your REAL friends are.
Some people will latch on on the way up so they may seem like a friend because they were there when there was nothing but in actuality they are just along for the ride.

I've grown up with some incredibly talented people and I have watched them all evolve into who they are today. Some are the same exact people. Some have changed for the better. Some I pray they find who they once were and get reacquainted with that person.(Or perhaps their real personality has emerged)

Don't seek fame. Seek a career. Set goals and work towards those.

In this day in age we are over run by Real Housewives, Basketball Wives, Bad Girls Club, Heidis and Spencers and of course those Kardashians. People who are famous for NO reason. Not talent, no skill, NOTHING. My question is....WHY?

Why want fame so bad that you are willing to let the world into your personal life? You are choosing fame over something else missing in your life?

BE YOU and be proud of who you are.

and now a Word from our sponsor

1 Samuel 16:7
But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature, because I have rejected him. For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.”

Walmart is Always Hiring

I'm mad. I am upset. I am disappointed but I just can't cry about it. I actually can't feel sad about it.

So, it's been almost a year since my last post. I apologize to all 6 followers of my blog and promise to try and write more. I need to write more in general. My life seems to be falling apart which means I have tons of free time so hey....I will write.

The most recent is the job that was promised to me in April is gone. I find out today that a young lady who I thought was a friend was an associate got the job. Which means she went behind my back and contacted the supervisor while I was out of the country. ( I went to Kenya for a month....promise to blog about that soon) So, after taking a month of my life off to VOLUNTEER, for those of you who don't know volunteer means work for FREE, I am now unemployed. And every production in Atlanta is fully staffed.

Being that it has been a year my last blog I was still actively pursuing a career in front of the camera...that has changed. I have been recently making a living as a production assistant mainly in the costume world. Which if my 2 show experience says anything for the way that world works....I HATE IT. I love the clothes. I love the organized choas when it comes to putting a characters looks and style together. I HATE the politics, the cat fighting, the lying and cheating to look better than your co-worker. (this is probably not going to help me find work)

The weird thing about all this is I don't see myself in another field. I have tried the so called "real world" and it's not the place for me. My place in the world is on a stage. If it's a sound stage, a theater it, location, it doesn't matter. And I don't have to be on it or in front of the camera. I just need to be near it. I need to know that my part in the production no matter how small makes a difference in bringing smiles and entertainment to someone out there.

So now here I am UNEMPLOYED but still blessed. At least I have an idea about where I want to work...and where I don't (costumes). I know a few names that might be able to help me get there...and if not...Walmart's always hiring.

I leave you with an encouraging Word. May God be with you and thank you for reading my rants.

Jeremiah 29:11-14     

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you. You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you, declares the Lord, and I will restore your fortunes and gather you from all the nations and all the places where I have driven you, declares the Lord, and I will bring you back to the place from which I sent you into exile.