I'm going to break this blog down into 3 parts that's why it's called A, B and C Rent....B will be the most difficult to write but I need to get some feelings out. Most of my writings are reflections of my work life. This one is not. This is a look back on my dating life. But mainly its for me to express some feelings that people don't understand when I express them. Sometimes you just gotta get shit out...:) So here we go...and thanks again for reading this.
A....Rent
Rent...the return derived from cultivated or improved land or property. (property in this blog is my heart)
I have been single for a while now. I learned to be happy with it because I know God has a plan. I'm not saying I go through life smiling and happy all the time. I have my moments when I wish I had a boo (usually when I am drinking) but for the most part I am ok. I am a big flirt. I am also the typical girl who loves attention from the opposite sex (should I say typical straight girl) but I don't fawn over every man who says hi to me. I don't fawn over any man who says hi to me. That may be my issue right now. I don't like anyone. I think people are cute and would like to date but there is no one in particular I want to date. I am good being me and focusing on my future. So in conclusion for A....I'm at a happy place when it comes to my relationship status.
B......Rent
This is a reflection of the past. I know A should have been the past instead of the present since C will be the future. But this is my blog and I will write it how I want to :) So here goes B......rent.
To Rent is to occupy or make use of someone's land or property for a fee. Your heart is your property....so if you let someone occupy it they are renting your heart. Yes, for a fee which should be paid in love but that's not always the case. My heart was occupied at by someone who I moved in. They on the other hand didn't care too much for the arrangement.
I am usually not one to fall easily especially for anyone in a job or position when they are in the spotlight. But something was different about this guy. He was from Philly and I am a sucker for a home town boy. He was super humble and worked hard for everything he had which wasn't much but he was on his way. We talked for hours and was really getting to know each other. Had a couple of great dates...but things didn't work out. And now he's a super star and married. I know this because the world of social media makes it damn near impossible to escape your past.
Next sad thing is...I know his wife. Not personally we have friends in common (who come to think of it might read this can put 2 and 2 together so even tho I used no names it could get back to her) My world so who cares. So other than seeing him become super successful, I am also a witness to his beautiful marriage and gorgeous family.
Honestly, I had those why not me moments. I compared myself to her and of course I like me more. But I never really found fault in her. It wasn't my decision to make. It was his and he choose her. And if he didn't would I actually want him or is my asking what ifs just reflections that I am alone and he is happily married now.
So that brings us to C...rent
Definition is pretty much the same as A.
I'm in a good place. Flipping my property so to say. Making upgrades. And part of my upgrades is to let go of jealousy. It's a perfectly normal feeling to have but I have no reason to be jealous. This is the part people don't understand when I tell them. Most of my friends say they would hate on the afore mentioned relationship. Talk bad about the new wife. Say things like I'm cuter than her, what she got that I don't, she ain't ish. and all that other bs. ME....I say I am happy for them. And I honestly am. I think it's amazing that 2 people found each other and found love in this mess we call Atlanta. They seem genuinely happy from what I hear. He found someone that was everything he needed. So in that aspect I am jealous. Not jealous of her for marrying him. But jealous they found something in each other that I have yet to find in anyone.
Not someone you want to rent your property but own....
Cheesy I know but it all makes sense to me.
Peace, Love and Blessings to all
Alexyz
